In reality, things happened a little bit differently. First of all there was no "surprise". Yes, we tried, planned it, whatever you want to call it. It was on purpose!! Having read up on the topic online, I knew that after you... ahem... a test can't tell if you're pregnant for another two weeks! (Modern science disappoints me at times.) I also knew that some tests claim they can detect it "early" but that you are pretty likely to get a false negative. G and I agreed that there was no point in testing until we knew we could trust the result. Ha! Fat chance I was waiting that long.
The next time I went grocery shopping I decided I was buying a test. Turns out despite being a full fledged, married, grown-up, it is still a terrifying and embarrassing purchase to make. Much like buying tampons as a teenager, I stuffed my cart to the brim with everything else in the store. This way when I was checking out I would be all, "This? Oh I just tossed that in there along with my family sized peanut butter, kitchen trash bags, Ben & Jerry's, and 10 frozen pizzas!" With my $300 worth of groceries (seriously) stuffed in the cart, I approached the pharmacy section at the end of the store. As luck would have it the pregnancy tests were in a locked cabinet with the rest of the things that had any connection to sex. (Utah thing?) Well I had not come so far and carefully camouflaged my purchase up to that point to turn back. I approached the pharmacist and asked her to please unlock the cabinet. She blushed and apologized vociferously making me feel like the much cooler person in this interaction. Then she says, "That should really be kept unlocked! I just hate for people to have to ask, especially teenagers!! Usually they're too embarrassed but you're the ones who need this stuff the most!" Well that was a twist I hadn't prepared for. I tried to wait for her to leave but she definitely saw what I grabbed. I couldn't even flash my left hand to make her feel better (and stupid) because I was wearing gloves.
After safely getting my purchase home, I handed all of the groceries off to G with the secret purchase tucked into my purse. I told him I was going to shower downstairs and walked into the bathroom with no towel or supplies and carrying my purse. He could not have cared less (or noticed) but to make myself feel better I turned on the shower for background noise. Three minutes later there were two lines... sort of. What!? How could this possibly be ambiguous?? I walked upstairs and (apparently very calmly) asked "Hey, can you look at something for me?" G had no idea what I was holding (good sign!!). We stared at it, google imaged, stared some more and decided there were proooobably two lines. Hmm. I took two more tests that day (they come in packs of 3!) and they all had the faint 2nd line. We decided I was pretty much pregnant. There was no crying, no hugging, just cautiousness and confusion. The next day I bought a pack of digital (idiot proof) tests and repeated the experiment, this time more carefully. The package says you should wait until first thing in the morning so the hormones have built up in your system overnight. I had no idea the not knowing would be so stressful but I couldn't sleep at all. At 3 am I decided it was first thing in the morning and I could give it a go (haha). "Pregnant!" Yay! Finally a victory of modern science! I ran back to bed, woke G up and showed him the test. He shone his iPhone on the test so that he could just make out the word "pregnant" in the dark. Even though it wasn't quiiiite how I pictured it (we don't even have a dog to wear a stupid t-shirt), we finally had our hugging and crying moment! Then we went back to sleep until a normal time.
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