Just like every industry feels compelled to do a year in review as December comes to a close, I too feel like I should summarize every aspect of B's first year of life and my first year as a parent. I am hoping that it will make me feel like I've come a long way and I will really be impressed with myself. Most likely it will just make me remember how tired I am and make me feel like I wasted a ton of money on pointless gear.
On that note, I'll start with all of the products I purchased that promise to help babies sleep.
I'll add the disclaimer here that when I make sweeping generalizations about what works and what doesn't for all babies I haven't performed a proper statistical study per se. My sample size was 1 and I think that probably lowers the broad applicability of the results.
Crib
This is the biggest waste of them all. I don't even remember how much it cost but $1 would have been too much and I am afraid it might have been several hundred times that. Luckily some of that money went towards accessories that promise to convert the crib into a toddler and big boy bed. I'm guessing that toddler bed will go to waste too but maybe we can salvage a headboard for B's college dorm when this is all said and done.
Pack 'n' Play
The second biggest waste. "Oh, when he is really little he will just sleep in the Pack 'n' Play in our room so I can keep a watchful eye!" said pregnant and ignorant me. Too bad really little babies don't sleep on flat surfaces, in open spaces, on their backs, or more than 2 cm from a warm body. In theory our money should have been salvaged when it came to travel, and lord knows we've done enough of that, but somehow we've always scrounged one up at our destination. This is a good thing as these portable cribs are not particularly portable.
Snuggle Nest
I'm going to stop ranking the items in terms of wastefulness but this one also falls into the not worth it category. It promises to allow baby to safely sleep in bed with mommy and daddy. I like where their heads are at but there are a few flaws. First, tiny babies (and you have to be a tiny baby to fit in this thing) don't know they are close to mom and dad unless they are touching mom and dad. This device aims to prevent all touching and thus cancels out any possible benefits. Oh, and it takes up half of the bed.
Sleep Sheep
There has never been a creepier product with such mass appeal. Why does it have to hang from its neck?! Besides the fact that the apparent strangulation causes nightmares and the white noise doesn't help at all, the sheep also automatically shuts off after a few minutes. If we are going to pretend the noise helps then at least keep it going!
Swing & Seat
Neither the rocking nor the vibrating proved to be remotely soothing at all and the music is repetitive. There were upsides to this purchase in that the gratin-to-adults music is of course universally appealing to those under the age of 3 and B still likes to climb in this thing. I give it an F for sleeping and A+ for annoying entertainment.
King Size Bed and Boobs
Sorry, not going to post a pic of the combination. Anyhoo, the bed is far and away the most expensive thing we have acquired in the past year, besides B himself. At least in this case I can say it was worth every penny. It was a close race but the bed was beaten out in sleep inducing efficacy only by one thing and that is boobs. Nothing has the kind of power that they wield and I can't express my gratitude enough. I paired these two together on this list because the only way that either works well is in combination with the other. Also if you add the cost of the two of them together and then average it out, the price of the bed becomes much more reasonable.
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