Standard Blog Post

Lately I've been perusing lots of other people's pregnancy/baby blogs (mainly strangers' because I don't really know anyone having babies, creeeeepy!) They seem to all follow a standard (boring) format. I guess this information is far more fun to share than I think it is. I decided I will play along and see if I can discover why answering these awkward and too personal questions is so wonderful!

How far along? 14 weeks

Weight gain/loss: I can't believe people actually post this information. I'll just say nothing fits like it used to except for my favorite red sweatpants which continue to fit like a dream.

Stretch marks? Are gross. I also can't believe people discuss this topic on the internet.
Sleep? I enjoy it in large quantities.

Food cravings: Baby appears to be filled with self-loathing after months of craving salt and fat. Recently I've been loving fruit which is welcome. Makes me think there is a little girl in there who is going on some sort of a trendy cleanse in response to my public shaming of her eating habits. I should work on that before I give her a complex.
Gender: We're thinking either boy or girl.
Belly button in or out? I am not even addressing this.

Labor signs? I had a dream (nightmare) last night that I was in labor and the doctor told me that, "In keeping with the pioneer spirit, Utah has outlawed all drugs during labor and delivery."
What I miss? Aspartame, Splenda, and all tasty treats made with them. I dream about Powerade Zero, Propel, sugar-free Jell-O. In fact sometimes I stand in the soda aisle at the grocery store and plan which diet drink I'll request in the hospital as soon as baby is born. I know I am supposed to say alcohol here and I do miss that too but not as much as antifreeze colored Powerade Zero!!!!!

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out if it's a boy or a girl so we can have serious debates about names. G thinks my boy names are "douchebag prepschool names" and my girl names are "stripper names". I just think all of his are terrible. This should be good!!
How big is baby? Either the size of a lemon, apple, or small orange.  I am confident baby is the size of something in the produce section.
Milestones:  This is the part where I tell you about the fetus's new organs!! If you weren't grossed out hearing about my belly button or stretch marks... According to the Bump, "Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth." That's disgusting.