It takes a village to have an opinion about your child/fetus.

People will say just about anything to a pregnant woman. I had always heard this was true and I've just started to experience it for myself. I know, I know, it's only the tip of the iceberg and things will get much better when strangers start stopping me in the grocery store to give me advice. I promise I'll post again when all of that stuff has happened as well.

In addition to what people say, I'm really mostly interested in why people think it's ok to break every social norm and societal rule when a woman is pregnant. G thinks that evolutionarily speaking we are all programmed to look out for the good of the tribe's children and that this is what drives people to give unsolicited advice.

"That better be decaf you're drinking"

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I like the theory but it really doesn't explain why people comment on the size of your face/butt/thighs/feet, comment on your skin/hair/nails, or try to guess your weight like you're at a carnival booth. I take a much more cynical view of the whole thing. I think that most people will do awkward things if left to their own devices but luckily we have all been trained how to act in most social situations. This pregnancy thing somehow seems to have been omitted from the text books. Maybe it's because we don't encounter the big bellied all that often or maybe it's because, until recent generations, pregnant women were hidden away in their homes until delivery. (Probably a separate post.)

There is another theory I've developed on the topic that I'm not particularly fond of because it's self-deprecating. This theory is that people really aren't terribly awkward but instead I am (especially now) overly sensitive. While I don't think this explains everything, it certainly plays a role. When I think about it there is literally nothing you could say to me about my appearance besides "You look great!" that would not annoy me. Even when giving childbirth or child rearing advice, one must be veeeery careful in their phrasing for me to not internally freak out and feel judged. I also, irrationally, feel that no birth stories should be told that aren't "I didn't feel a thing, it was easy! I was out running the next day... My child's head was very round... I only relieved myself in private, in the restroom that day... All parts of my body still function the exact same way and appear the same as they did prior to the experience."

The two comments I've been getting the most, often hours or days apart, are "You don't look pregnant at all!" and "OMG you're starting to show already!" Pregnancy is really one of those black or white things. You are pregnant or not. You can't be a little or a lot pregnant. For this reason I don't really understand why people comment on just HOW pregnant you appear but it seems to be the normal thing to talk about. Probably my reactions are the opposite of normal but when I hear the first comment I immediately panic, think my baby isn't growing, and take extra vitamins and eat a lot of eggs. When I hear the second one I think, "What do you mean 'already'!? My uterus (ew) is the size of a cantaloupe. Let's stick a melon in your shirt and see if it's noticeable!" Like I said, eeeemotional!!

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