Someone stab me

Well I was all ready to write a positive and cheery post about my lovely trip to DC and how great it's been to introduce Bennett to all my friends and family. That post will have to wait until I am able to sleep because right now all I can do is bitch and whine.

Despite all my complaining about B's abhorrent sleeping habits I was always only talking about naps. He has always been great (you know, for a little baby) at night. He started sleeping 5 hr stretches at night within his first two weeks of life, which crackpot physicians consider sleeping through the night. For the past month or so he's been going 7-10 hr stretches, which rational humans consider sleeping through the night.

Since we've been in DC he's had a little more trouble sleeping. I figure this is understandable with being in a new place and time zone and all of the excitement etc. I had great sympathy for the boy. Then all of a sudden last night he wants to eat every 1-2 hrs all night long. You have got to be effing kidding me! He didn't even do this as a newborn!! Have I ruined him by shaking him off his routine? Were the Babywise moms right and now I'll have a coddled, spoiled child for life unless I manage his schedule with an egg timer??

"Good luck with that schedule thing! I inherited my father's obstinance."

Since I appear to be asking for advice but am not really going to be receptive to most of the advice I will likely receive, I figure I'll get a few things out of the way here.

Here are the things people are going to tell me that will be very well meaning but I don't want to hear and will ignore for my own reasons/parenting philosophy. (If this is what you did with your kid and it worked, I am sincerely and non judgmentally thrilled for you but I am choosing to go another way. Can't we parents just all get along???):

-Just feed him formula then he will sleep!
-Put rice cereal in a bottle to keep him full!
-You will have to let him cry it out!
-It is all your fault for taking him on trips, you need to keep that boy at home! (I'm actually ok with this unless G is out of town for 10 days because when I'm alone in the house with a baby I go sort of Tom Hanks in Castaway and start talking to volleyballs.)

Here is what I would like people to tell me:

-Oh don't worry, my baby did that at 3 months too! It lasted exactly one night and then he slept 12 hrs every night thereafter for life.
-It's just the 3 month growth spurt! Don't worry that he didn't behave at all this way for his other growth spurts, it is totally normal.
-How about I come over to your house at night and feed your baby all night long while you sleep. Then I will care for him all day while you eat ice cream and get massages!
-Well that sounds like an anomaly! Since he eats every 1-2 hrs all day and takes awful naps and you deal with all of this just fine of course he will return to sleeping through the night because this is what you deserve and that is how the baby universe works!

"Good thing it's biologically impossible for you to hate me!"

Although at one point last night I actually stared B down and said "For the love of god please just go back to sleep!!!" I still do realize he is a teeny tiny baby and they have to eat a lot and they keep you guessing and all of that. I also still love him to little bits and pieces and am hoping I still feel this way after our 5 hr flight today.