I need a new hobby

I absolutely think that anyone who enjoys pregnancy or newborns is certifiably insane. I can't wrap my head around the state of mind required to find any positives in life with a thankless parasite besides the fact that they eventually blossom into a delightful baby (and the hormonal bonds eventually delude you into thinking parasites are kind of fun.) Math and long-distance running on the other hand, sign me up! We are all crazy in our own ways.

I've enjoyed running ever since I was in middle school. A series of bike and rollerblading accidents led me to discover the joys of this activity that requires little to no coordination or balance and I've been hooked ever since. Even pregnancy couldn't keep me from experiencing the endorphin highs. (That's not entirely true, I had to stop running around 34 weeks because it felt like my pelvis was shattering, but I kept obsessively ellipticaling every day which filled the void.) I felt like a hero. Surely if I could keep up some semblance of a fitness level throughout all this it would be a breeze to get back into things post-pregnancy. I would just toss my adorable sleeping bundle into a stroller and off we'd go for 10 mile jaunts while all the joggers I was smoking gazed at my baby's angelic sleeping face.

So proud of myself here after a run at 32 weeks. Modeling my maternity support belt that kept me going.

To the one mom on the face of the planet whose baby enjoys the stroller, sleeps peacefully through everything, and only eats every 4 hours-- I blame you for this delusion!!! I feel like I see them everywhere, these opinionless sleeping babies. They are at the grocery store, doctor's office waiting rooms, and out on the running trails. Apparently you just throw a blanket over the infant seat to block out the sun and just enough oxygen to keep them asleep. It's obvious where this is going right? I don't have one of those babies. B has a spirit and strong opinions about the stroller and anything that requires him being confined and still. If I had a nickel for every time he fell asleep in the stroller, I'd have a nickle. I'm also tired, very tired. I'm too tired to annoyingly proclaim, "exercise gives me more energy!" Needless to say I am not back at it yet.

First walk in the stroller. He woke about screaming about 20 mins in and I had to feed him on the side of the road.

It was only last week that I was able to successfully complete the very same workout that I did the day B was born... 9 months pregnant... while having contractions. That was humbling. Now I'm planning on doing a half-marathon (because I'm insane, see above) and have been looking for a training plan to follow. Every plan on the internet has a little description of the criteria one should meet before embarking on said plan. Well, I found one that didn't describe me perfectly but would work. The plan says you should be comfortably running 3 miles several times a week. I mean, I've run 3 miles uncomfortably at least twice in the past 6 months so that should work fine.

I was all set to go on my training plan until I noticed the title. NOVICE TRAINING PLAN. You've got to be joking. I've spent over a decade engrossed in the sport. I know everything about speedwork, fartleks, fueling, stretching, tapering, etc. I have an entire drawer filled with spandex pants and a fleet of Mizuno Nirvanas in every color. Yet there it was in black and white. I am a novice.

I need a new hobby that doesn't require starting over every.single.time. Preferably this new hobby would not also consistently fill me with self-loathing.