You're going to have to let him cry...

...wherein I bore everyone to tears, while simultaneously coming off as judgy and defensive.

It seems that everyone who is vaguely aware of the fact that I have a new baby has one burning question on their minds. "How is he sleeping?" I am asked this question everywhere I go by friends, family, strangers in the grocery store, hairdressers, doctors, dentists, astronauts, ballerinas, and firemen. "How do they all know he's a bad sleeper?" I think to myself. Well most of them don't. These are the very same people that, when I was pregnant, advised me to sleep when the baby sleeps. I can only assume that baby sleep is every parent's number one concern. This is because you don't sleep unless the baby sleeps, which would be a better way to phrase that pregnancy advice.

Less than a week into parenthood I had no idea what tired was. I also appear to have forgotten what a hairbrush is and my newborn has a better tan than I do.

Unless I tell a boldfaced lie when faced with the "how is he sleeping" question, I seem to get only one response. "You know, you're going to have to let him cry eventually," everyone says. Pardon me if I sound like a toddler but I don't have to do anything. I'm getting a little tired of feeling judged by literally everyone. I know, I know, welcome to parenthood, get used to it, etc. Not only does it feel like your success as a parent is measured by the average number of consecutive hours slept by your child but it also feels like there is only one societally approved method to achieve greatness in this area. People really make you feel like you do have to let babies cry if you ever want them to have good sleep habits.

Here is a huge disclaimer: I am in absolutely no way judging other parents for how they choose to address their baby's sleeping issues. Only 3 short (ok, long) months into this parenthood thing I already resolve to never judge another parent again. We all do what we think is best for our individual kids, and our lives, and just for general survival. So now that I have that out of the way I can tell you that I am not going to let B cry it out. You can return my generous karmic gift to the universe by not judging me for that decision either.

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Would I like for him to put himself to sleep at night and to not hear from him until 10-12 hours later? Umm yes, sign me up! Would I like for that to start happening in just a few short days? Yes yes please!! I am actually not a masochist who likes being a zombie.

The common reason cited for letting babies cry is to teach them to self-soothe so they are able to put themselves to sleep. Well, B has proven that he is capable of putting himself back to sleep many times. He has gone countless nights with long stretches of sleep during which he settled himself back down multiple times. I've witnessed it happen myself on our helicopter-parent-approved video monitor. He isn't able to do this every time he wakes up though. Why? I have absolutely no idea and that's why I won't let him cry. He could be sick, have painful gas, have teething pain, or just want to know that his mom hasn't abandoned him. I'll never know what it is. Even if he is just having trouble going back to sleep, I guess I think that's ok too. I can't always get myself back to sleep but I am able to turn on the tv, read a book, putter on my phone, accidentally make so much noise stirring that G wakes up and has to hang out with me, etc. The poor boy is just alone in his crib bored. I would cry! I don't feel I can hold him to any standards that I can't keep up myself which also means he is never going to go for 12 hours straight without eating and that's fine.

 

Additionally, I take responsibility for him being a squirmy tummy sleeper.

So those are a few of my reasons for being sleep deprived. I should also add that I'm incredibly, incredibly lucky in that I don't have to go to work every day and I have ample and wonderful help. (Thanks Mom!!!!)

Since it is election season and everyone is making endorsements, I will now make my official sleep book endorsement. In addition to the standard reading of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child which has some very good information even if you don't choose to follow one of the prescribed methods, I recommend parents pick up a copy of The No Cry Sleep Solution.

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I wouldn't say that we've had instant success with any of the methods in this book but they have still been helpful. If it weren't for my mom, who never let us cry, or for our wonderful cleaning lady who recommended this book, I would still think there was no other option besides tears. No matter what one chooses to do as a parent I think it's important to know your options before you decide what's right for you. (It is this line of thinking that also causes me to force myself to watch Fox News now and again just to hear the other side. It turns out Jon Stewart's clips are not always 100% representative of their total coverage.)

In case you still don't believe no-cry methods eventually work, I should add that my brother was a record setting, horrible sleeper as a baby. These days though? He can self-soothe his way to a restorative nap on a bench in the middle of Tysons Corner Mall at Christmas.

He also really likes peanut butter. Overall, a parenting success!

For the zero people who are still reading and want to keep reading, here is another post on the topic.