Evolution of maternity fashion

I don't have much (or anything really) to say about how maternity fashion has changed over the generations. This is, after all, my first rodeo. I'm told that in my mom's day pregnant women dressed in tent like shirts and the trend was to hide rather than flaunt your bump. She was appalled that I had fitted shirts (most of these were non-maternity shirts that I insist on wearing still so calling them "fitted" is generous.) She was also appalled that I wore horizontal stripes since they aren't "slimming". To me this was like being surprised that a dachshund isn't wearing high heels to make its legs look longer.

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Perhaps it would be more interesting to talk about the changing trends and what that tells us about society's view about women but I was a math major so I'll leave that to the women's studies people. Instead I'll present my own theory on how maternity fashion evolves over the course of a single pregnancy. In my case at least, not only does 'what you CAN wear' change with time but also 'what you WANT to wear'. In my experience, here are the different stages one goes through:

Stage 1- CAN wear my normal clothes, WANT to wear maternity clothes
"Yay! I'm pregnant! It's so exciting!" After the initial excitement wears off you realize that absolutely nothing perceptible has changed yet. Sure there are a few cells in there that will someday become baby's heart (or whatever that weekly email said) but the fact is you feel no different and you look no different. The biggest thing that's changed in your life is that you can't drink. You really want something that makes you feel pregnant. You want to try to zip up your jeans but find them to be too tight. In actuality you should be cherishing those last moments with your pants with actual zippers but it's just not possible at the time.

Stage 2- CAN'T wear normal clothes or maternity clothes WANT to wear sweatpants
This is also known as the "fat or pregnant" stage. Starting around week 8-10 I felt like a big fatty in my normal pants but like a big fraud in anything maternity. It was suggested to me that I try unbuttoning my pants and attaching them with a rubber band. Literally nothing makes you feel like a bigger fatty than walking around with your pants unbuttoned! That is only acceptable post-Thanksgiving dinner and not in public. They also market belly bands for this stage which are one step up from the rubber band trick. The idea is you leave your pants unbuttoned but hold them up with a big stretchy piece of fabric. Then you have to wear a baggy shirt to cover up the strange lump situation that is going on where your pants should be fastened. This also makes you feel fat. Since we chose not to tell anyone about the baby until I was 12 weeks along and I got pregnant in mid December I just looked like I was carrying around some extra pumpkin pie and eggnog weight in the form of an odd waistband lump.

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Stage 3- CAN wear maternity clothes and WANT to wear maternity clothes
Hooray! This is the happiest stage. Starting around 18 weeks or so I felt like I finally had enough going on to warrant wearing the stretchy top pants and I was actually excited about it. I felt like I was finally pregnant and that is how I wanted to feel at the time. Joy. Granted no one else thinks you look pregnant until much later than you do but you don't care.

Stage 4- CAN wear maternity clothes and WANT to wear normal clothes
Unless you are spending a fortune on a maternity wardrobe, in which case you are either filthy rich or stupid, then you have only a few pairs of decent pants and a handful of shirts. Granted there are some "normal" clothes you can continue to wear which rounds out (haha!) the wardrobe a bit but even with those additions it is limited at best. I dedicated a special section of my closet to the clothes I can still wear and it's getting to the point where I rifle through the section 3 or more times because surely there has to be something new in there that I don't want to burn. I really really miss my old jeans. Clearly I am deep in stage 4.

Stage 5- CAN wear maternity clothes and WANT to wear your husband's clothes
I feel like although I'm still in stage 4, I'm starting to venture a bit into stage 5. I won't yet go out in public in anything of G's but I pretty much exclusively sleep in his clothes now. This is partially because I absolutely refuse to rebuild my pajama and lounge wear collection yet I also refuse to wear a tight t-shirt that doesn't cover my entire stomach. The other appeal in wearing G's clothes is they make me feel small. Nothing makes me feel small!! It's glorious to put on a pair of his sweatpants and have to tighten the drawstring so that they don't fall off. I know I'm not small, just let me have my moment.

Stage 6- CAN'T wear anything and WANT to wear a hospital gown
I'm told that this stage exists and I completely believe it does but I'm not there yet. I'm hoping I can put it off a little while longer because I feel like this is when the true misery will set in. I might actually go out in public wearing G's clothes during stage 6 which means I'll be dressed head to toe in free Adidas/team apparel and I won't care at all how weird that looks. Shudder.

31 weeks. Maternity shorts are the gateway drug to mom jeans.