Bring it on!

Perhaps rightfully so, much attention is paid to the labor and delivery experience. You take classes to understand every detail of what will happen to your body that you might rather not know about. On top of the scientific classes, there are more 'birthing methods' than you can shake a stick at. (Does anyone still use that expression?) Admittedly I haven't chosen a particular 'birthing method' but from what I understand they all prescribe different pain management techniques, coping strategies, yadda yadda. I am completely ok with the fact that I might regret this statement later but I've decided that none of this hooey is for me. I'm not saying it isn't great for others, whatever gets you through it right!?

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

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I sort of suspected I wouldn't be drawn to any particular method from early on in this game. I hate yoga because I think it's boring and not relaxing. Smooth jazz and classical music stress me out. Breathing exercises make me giggle like an immature 7th grader. The list goes on. It all became clear to me, once and for all, in our childbirth class. To be clear- we took the hospital's childbirth class which was all business and not focused on pain management (except when the anesthesiologist visited and I tried to make friends with her for later!)


Our instructor couldn't help herself, however, from talking for a bit about relaxation methods. She went over various things your "coach" (I hope G wears a whistle around his neck for this) can do to help you through the pain. They all involved some sort of touching. Count me OUT! When I am in pain and ANYONE, husband or otherwise, gets anywhere near me it is not ok. I suffer alone thank you. Our instructor's next move was to walk us through a relaxation exercise. She had us all close our eyes and picture ourselves on a lake shore. Just like in yoga class, I never believe that everyone else is closing their eyes so I keep peeking to make sure it's not all a big joke to make me look dumb (immature and insecure). We were told to picture ourselves climbing into a golden boat and floating out onto the lake. Ummm? Besides the fact that I found this kind of silly in general, why am I floating out to the middle of the lake?? Do I have a paddle? How am I getting back to dry land? Does my golden boat have a motor? life jacket? singing gondolier from the Venetian? If not, I'm not doing this.

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Soooo what is my plan for getting through labor? Basically just whining a lot and sucking it up. I had appendicitis 5 times (and chicken pox twice!) and although I know that is nothing compared to labor it's probably the most pain I've ever felt. I didn't breathe or picture a golden boat shipwreck or anything, I just closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Eventually they removed my appendix and the pain was better! Hopefully the same will be true of my baby. Also, they don't offer epidurals for appendicitis but they do for childbirth so I'm hoping it all balances out.

My birth plan is as follows:
-Go into labor a few days before my due date (are you reading this fetus????)
-Show up at the hospital
-Get the epidural
-Get the baby out
-Snuggle adorable little boy and live happily ever after!

I'm sure it will go down just like that...