Fetolocation is harder than geolocation

I know it doesn't matter where exactly in my belly this baby is. G reminds me of this constantly as I try to feel around for a head. The way I figure it though, I'll spend the next 20+ years obsessing over this kid's whereabouts so it seems pretty harmless to jump start that by 2 months or so. Also, you can say it, I don't really have a lot going on right now so I have time to obsess over these things.

As with any decent obsession, I've done some substantial googling on the topic and found out that there is actually a technique for figuring out where your fetus is. Ha! I'm not the only one who cares! It's called belly mapping and if you care too you can read all about it here. Or I can sum it up for you in pictures.

First you are supposed to separate your belly into quadrants. Don't get too hung up on this step as it's completely pointless.

Also put on the darkest lipstick you own and try to appear like an old maid.

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Next, you make a little diagram of your belly quadrants and fill it in with everything you know about the fetus. You're supposed to put a big squiggle where you feel big movements, a little squiggle for little ones, a curvy line where you feel a lump (?) and a heart where your doctor last picked up the heartbeat. You can also put a straighter line where you feel their back. To state the obvious if I knew what his back felt like I wouldn't be engaging in this exercise...

In theory you end up with something like this.

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Then you wave your Harry Potter wand and transform the above into an exact picture of where your baby is!

Voila! The big squiggles were kicks (feet!) and the back was... a back!

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In case you get confused there are supposedly only a few options to choose from.

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Ok, so here is mine...

 I don't see this option on the "Compass Rose" but it's the best I can come up with. Help! I'm carrying a spider baby!