Is all attention good attention?

It would be impossible at this point for anyone not to have seen the cover of Time Magazine I'm assuming, but just in case...

source

I feel like I have to say something about this article since I fancy myself, at least somewhat, an attachment parent. I guess it's good that people are talking about it? Maybe? Except for the fact that no one is saying anything nice. Maybe if the past generation of mothers had been "moms enough" then we would all know what to do if we can't say anything nice?

Anyhoo, let's start with the cover. That lady claims she's doing a service to the attachment parenting community by starting the conversation. I will agree with the critics here and say that she could have come up with a better opener. For everyone that is talking about how gross and shocking it is, however, come on. It is supposed to generate that reaction and consequently magazine sales. On that front, at least, I'd say the cover has been a smashing success. Regardless of how you feel about a nursing 3 year old, the photo does not represent what it really looks like to breastfeed a toddler. In all likelihood, that boy would be in bed in his pj's, and snuggled up to his mom while he nursed to sleep. It might still gross you out but it would at least be cute and nurturing.

As for the article, it isn't exactly a glowing recommendation but at least it's not a total condemnation either. The furthest they go is to say that there is no evidence that sleep training your child causes brain damage. Some people say it does, some say it doesn't and none of the studies I've read are particularly compelling either way. I'm not about to weigh in on that, however, as I have conducted zero studies. Fear of brain damage isn't my justification for not letting my kid cry (nor is it the primary reason given by Dr. Sears) anyways so for me that is neither here nor there and the article misses the point.

Bashing his head against the fireplace just to hear the noise might also cause brain damage.

Their biggest attack, if you want to call it that, on attachment parenting is that it is too hard. (Let's just refer to it as AP because typing attachment parenting is also too hard.) Rather than discussing the merits or shortcomings of the approach, the piece seems to focus on how much AP asks of moms. The author must not be a mother because shes claims moms feel guilty when they can't live up to these standards. Maybe it's just me but in my experience the guilt started the second I peed on a pregnancy test and realized that I was basically peeing Propel laden with artificial sweeteners that had already poisoned my up-until-then-undetected baby.

Anyways, just like one shouldn't do something just because it's hard, one shouldn't not do something just because it's hard, right? In my opinion, level of difficulty should not be the criteria by which you select your parenting philosophy. Is that so crazy? "Are You Mom Enough?" should be rephrased to, "Are you doing what you think is best for your kid while remaining relatively sane yourself? And by the way if you think having kids should be easy and convenient, buy your condoms at Costco." By focusing on guilt and difficulty (which seem to go hand in hand with motherhood regardless of your approach) the article totally misses the point, in my opinion.

And now to spread a little positive attachment parenting PR. There are some things about it that are easier than "traditional parenting".

Babywearing, which is one of the AP tenants I don't really abide by because I have enough back problems, allows you to go about your day quite nicely. If baby is just strapped to you, the theory goes, they are benefiting from your nurturing presence and learning by seeing what you see. AP does not encourage moms to overcommit their kids to a million classes and swimming lessons, it says moms should go about their business with their baby strapped to them. Isn't that liberating? How feminist and not to mention economical since a sling is cheaper than all that tuition!

Co-sleeping, which is my favorite of the AP tenants, is perhaps the best tenant of all. Not only do you not have to get out of bed to feed your baby, you don't even have to wake up. What's hard about that? If the editor of Time happens to be reading this, I am happy to be photographed blissfully sleeping through a middle-of-the-night feeding as long as they Photoshop my side-boob to look as good as the last cover model's.

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