Sibling rivalry

Well that's a weird post title, right? How can I be talking about sibling rivalry when I only have one kid? B is not waging war against his sibling, because he doesn't have one. He is going further and waging war against his sibling's very existence.

You would think the best way to ensure only child status is to be a bad kid but this plan has flaws. If he were a completely bad kid we might just want to immediately replace him. My in-laws are a prime example of this phenomenon as they claim they had a second child soon after G because they didn't believe they could be cursed twice. If B wasn't awesome and I wasn't completely obsessed with him, I might want to have another child immediately so I could experience this phenomenon people talk about. (I don't mean to imply G's parents didn't think he was awesome, I think they at least feel that way now that he is well past his toddler years.)

Alternatively, if B was a fantastic little kid (he is) AND easy all the time (umm) then I might want to have a million babies. Basically, he is a conniving little devil and has played this perfectly. Yesterday and today (also known as the continuum of time that for normal people is punctuated by a full-night's sleep) has been a prime example of his tactics in action.

"What is this thing? I said I wanted a puppy."

All day yesterday, B was a joy. He happily played, smiled, cooed, and laughed. His new favorite game is to crawl over top of me when I'm on the floor, attack me with kisses, and then giggle. It's not even fair how cute this is and we spent most of the afternoon this way. Then it was time to go to B's favorite place, the grocery store. His old routine was to stare at people until they looked at him and then flash a huge grin which left them no choice but to follow suit. He's upped his game now and will not only smile but wave at people until they return the favor. Yesterday, he added the cherry on top of the cute sundae bouncing up and down gleefully in the little grocery cart seat. Normally moms fall for his tricks but yesterday he even got a 20 something, single, male hipster to comment, "Wow, that is just an adorable baby!"

Basically I put B to bed last night thinking I had given birth to the most marvelous human being ever to walk the face of the planet. I think we all know where this is going. For the first part of the night he did his usual and woke up countless times, mercifully only briefly each time. Then when 3:30 rolled around I felt little elbows poking my chest and heard a giggle. I tried to play asleep but B was onto me. He actually tried to pry my eyes open with his tiny fingers. After making a mental note to trim his nails tomorrow (today?) I continued to tolerate the game in hopes that he would tire and go back to sleep. Thirty minutes of B crawling all over me was enough to wake me up and by 4:30 I was one cup of coffee into my day. B was perfectly contented, happy, and adorable as usual so I really couldn't hate him for any of it.

"If I can't get married you can't have another baby."

As I sit here passively watching him play ( I am far too tired to interact) I wonder how I could possibly love another child even close to this much. I also wonder how I would even survive another child without slipping into a coma as a last ditch effort to get rest. He is indeed masterfully defending his territory against, as yet, non-existent invaders. Did I mention that while B was crawling on me this morning I swear I felt a sucker punch to the ovary?

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